


Secret Santa

by cresselia8themoon



Category: Milo Murphy's Law
Genre: Gen, Humor, Slice of Life, crushes mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-03 23:34:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12758532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cresselia8themoon/pseuds/cresselia8themoon
Summary: Milo and his classmates are having a Secret Santa exchange, and the random draw has given some very interesting results. Now they have to survive school, Murphy's Law, and the occasional stress of the holiday season while they decide on the perfect gift!





	1. Amanda

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first Christmas story in MML! I kind of wanted to do something different and give perspective to Milo’s classmates that have at least had a major supporting role. Well, two of them are fairly minor but I really love writing them anyway. You’ll see what I mean!
> 
> I was originally planning to release this story on December 1, but my impatient ass can’t wait any longer.

Amanda was about ready to throw her pen against the wall in frustration. She’d already used up half of the allotted thirty minutes in her schedule for brainstorming ideas for the Secret Santa exchange.

The paper remained devoid of any ideas, apart from a few words that had been neatly scratched out.

It was Lydia’s fault anyway for signing her up without permission. Or Melissa’s. Or both. As far as Amanda was concerned, they were equally suspicious.

What was she even supposed to give Chad? She didn’t know him that well. He was nice enough, but his attempts to prove Mr. Drako was a vampire weirded her out. And he tended to be the first to go down when Murphy’s Law struck. In other words, he would be the hypothetical first victim in a zombie apocalypse.

Wait….

Vampires. Zombies. The paranormal.

Amanda’s brain whirred to life as she hastily sketched a bubble map. Chad liked to formulate theories and gather evidence to support them. Conspiracy theories, weird happenings, spooky stuff.

Maybe she could take a page out of his book and collect her own evidence on what he liked.

Her timer went off, and she stored the bubble map in her school folder for later. At least the history worksheet she needed to finish didn’t cause any stress.

 

* * *

 

 

“You are not going up to Chad and asking him for a gift idea,” Lydia said, shaking her head in disapproval. “Kinda kills the point of being a Secret Santa.”

“I’m not going to ask him what he wants outright!” Amanda complained. “All I did was dedicate four to six minutes to having a conversation where I subtly lead him into stating his interests! I made a bubble map, Lydia! I am not letting those fifteen minutes go to waste!”

Lydia blinked. “You made a bubble map. For a gift exchange.”

“Yes,” Amanda said. “I wrote down a main idea and added supporting details. I would’ve added color, but I ran out of time.”

“I know what a bubble map is,” Lydia sighed. “It’s just not gonna help me. I think I got the worst recipient of all. Are you sure you don’t want to switch with me? Nobody needs to know!”

She leaned over Amanda’s desk, grinning excitedly. Amanda edged back in her seat, keeping Lydia at arm’s length. “I don’t like doing things spontaneously. Sorry.”

Lydia groaned, backing off so Amanda could have her personal space again. “Okay. FYI, I’m probably procrastinating on this like everything else that doesn’t involve theater club.”

“Procrastinating on important things is just going to-“

“-increase anxiety and throw you down a well of endless despair,” Lydia finished. “I heard the spiel before. Like, fifty-three times now.”

Amanda allowed herself a small smile. “I didn’t know you were keeping track.”

Lydia shrugged. “I have a tally chart.”

“And you were getting on my case about the bubble map?” Amanda giggled.

Before Lydia could reply, Chad entered the classroom behind Milo and his friends. “We’ll finish this conversation some other time,” she whispered, scrambling out of the way before she could be a target within the splatter zone.

“I’m telling you, Mr. Drako doesn’t have a reflection in the mirror!” Chad exclaimed loudly. “How else do you explain the Hall of Mirrors incident at the school fair?”

Melissa rolled her eyes. “He didn’t have a reflection because the school couldn’t afford to supply the mirrors and substituted plastic wrapping instead?”

“I remember that!” Milo said. “Remember when Zack and I were wrapped in the plastic like a double burrito?”

Zack groaned. “Do you have to remind me?”

“Yes,” Melissa replied.

Amanda caught Milo’s eye, and he quickly looked away, his face slightly red. That was…odd. Usually he didn’t pass up a chance to greet her.

She mentally filed ‘wonder what’s up with Milo’ under lunchtime. She had a goal, and she needed to seize this perfect opportunity.

“Chad, how exactly do you know so much about vampires that you’d accuse one of the nicest teachers in the school of being one?” Amanda asked. Everyone stared at her.

Amanda wanted to curl up in the back of the school closet and waste away in the darkness among all the cobwebs and dust bunnies. Did that sound accusatory? That totally sounded less accusatory in her head.

“Easy. My vampire blog requires a lot of research into vampire lore.” Chad replied. “You know, traditional ones like Dracula to more modern portrayals. That sort of thing.”

“Now that sounds like something I have to follow!” Milo exclaimed, pulling out his phone. “What’s the name?”

“Transylvaniaterrors.com,” Chad said. “It’s a forum dedicated to everything paranormal. My blog is-“

Milo held up a hand. “Could you write that on a piece of paper? Sorry, my wi-fi cut out.”

“I’m not getting a signal either,” Melissa said, checking her phone.

Screams erupted from the hallway, followed by the sound of stampeding feet. Melissa shoved Zack in the direction of the door. Zack glared at her, carefully opening the door by a hair.

He shut it again after a few seconds.

“They’re panicking over the wi-fi,” Zack said as he pushed his back against the door as several loud thuds echoed from it. “Gonna need a blockade over here!”

Milo, Chad, and Lydia quickly pushed the teacher’s desk in front of the door. Amanda opened the window, preparing the escape route in case the desk plan didn’t work.

Thankfully, the desk held the door in place just fine.

Unfortunately, third period would probably be delayed for a while. Hopefully the situation didn’t extend into fourth period.

 

* * *

 

 

Amanda collapsed on her bed, exhausted. The wi-fi hadn’t come back until the last twenty minutes of the school day, which rendered her Wednesday schedule obsolete. She grabbed a nearby planner and a blue pen, too wiped to properly color-code the box.

She scribbled in ‘Expect Principal Milder to go on a five to seven minute lecture about rampaging in the school hallway during announcements’ under Thursday.

She would think about Chad’s present on Friday once she gave herself enough time to recover from a messed up schedule.

 

* * *

 

 

Her inspiration came the next day, when a cabinet in Mr. Drako’s classroom almost fell on top of Chad, revealing dozens of vampire teeth.

Everyone in the class looked at Mr. Drako for an explanation. He shrugged. “My ex-wife worked at an arcade and had a lot of these fake vampire teeth lying around. They’re actually pretty good things to toss into children’s Halloween baskets. Glow in the dark too!”

“I think I’m turning! I’m sorry guys! Tell my turtles I love them! The sun is slowly sucking away at my being!” Chad hissed.

Melissa leaned over and plucked one off his shoulder. “Chad, you’re not a vampire,” she said, shaking her head.

Chad slowly opened his eyes. “I’m not?”

Zack held his phone. “Chad, do you see yourself in the camera?”

His eyes widened. “Stop making me feel better! The undead is my realm now!”

Melissa rolled her eyes. “Tilt the camera down. It’s pointed to the ceiling. There. I see you. You are not a vampire. Can we get back to the lesson now?”

Chad sighed in relief.

While Mr. Drako flipped through his slides to figure out where they’d left off, Amanda took the opportunity to write ‘go to discount bookstore’ in the Saturday afternoon slot.

 

* * *

 

 

Unfortunately, Lydia’s idea of helping Amanda decide on a book turned out to be making her read the summaries of YA vampire novels and choose one. While they were all within her price range, she doubted Chad would be interested in poorly written romance.

Besides, she figured he was more into the lore.

“Early Evening?” Lydia suggested, holding up a thick book with a black cover. “Maybe not. The prose really isn’t for everyone.”

Amanda wrinkled her nose. “Definitely not pile.”

“That’s the only pile we have so far,” Lydia sighed, setting Early Evening on top of a stack of five books.

Amanda groaned, regretting not doing any research into vampire books beforehand. “We’re doing it my way now,” she said. “We’ll just put everything on the cart and see if there’s a mythology or paranormal section.”

It took two minutes for Amanda to organize the books in an order that satisfied her. Lydia leaned against the table with her elbow, checking her phone.

“Need help with your gift?” Amanda asked, setting the books into the cart.

“No!” Lydia exclaimed. “I don’t need help! I totally have ideas and I have every intention on following through on at least one of them!”

Amanda raised an eyebrow. “Whose name did you draw anyway?”

“Bradley! I drew Bradley of all people!” Lydia hissed. “He’s going to hate what I get him.”

“I don’t think he will,” Amanda said.

“He hates everything that isn’t a bolted self-serve ice cream machine or people who aren’t named Melissa,” Lydia complained.

Amanda shrugged. “Okay, we’ll figure yours out after this. Just help me find a book for now.”

The paranormal section was two aisles over from the YA novels, and appeared a lot more promising to Amanda.

After five minutes, she selected a rather compact book that held information about vampires and similar creatures from different cultures around the world. “Good choice,” Lydia grinned. “Chad’s definitely gonna love it. Unlike Bradley anyway.”

Amanda nodded. “I hope so. And if he doesn’t like the book, at least he’ll be nice about it.”

“And now you’re just rubbing it in.”


	2. Chad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact about this story: I actually determined who would be the giver and recipient through a random draw. Well, it’s not completely random. I set aside Milo so he would be the last one. And let me say this, chance has a fun sense of humor.

“Milo! We’re out of control!” Zack screamed.

Chad tightened his grip on Melissa’s shoulders as they plowed into yet another snow bank, which unfortunately did nothing to slow the huskies down. “We’re gonna die, aren’t we?” he asked.

“Have a little more faith in Milo,” Melissa said confidently. She scared Chad. How could anyone remain so eerily calm while constantly hanging around Milo?

It was a trait that made Melissa feared around the school. The fact that she never, ever lost bets was only secondary.

Except for the time she lost five bucks to Lydia, but all witnesses remained tight-lipped about that incident.  

A small, high-pitched bark sounded from the back of the sled. Everyone glanced over to see Diogee waiting obediently for an order.

“Diogee, go-wait, that’s it! I need a small object that Diogee can easily carry!” Milo yelled, wincing when a sharp branch cut a thin line off his jacket sleeve.

The road was bumpier now, and everyone was hanging on for dear life. “All I have is a pair of earbuds!” Zack shouted. Milo reached back for the earbuds, then sprayed it with something that smelled suspiciously like chicken.

“Diogee!” Milo called.

He perked up, taking the chicken-scented earbuds in his mouth and jumping off the sled. He kept pace with the lead husky for several seconds, then darted towards the left path, which would loop them back to town and let them avoid the wolf-infested Coyote Woods.

The lead husky barked once, then followed Diogee. The sled shifted abruptly, making everyone lose their balance.

Once they hit a main road, Diogee dropped the earbuds. The huskies suddenly ground to a halt, all crowding around the object as they sniffed it curiously.

Chad and Zack fell over from relief. At least they would still be alive to see another Christmas. However, the jury was still out for New Year’s.

“Good boy, Diogee,” Milo said, petting his head. “You’d better go home now if you want to lick the bowl of Mom’s dog-friendly Christmas cookies.”

Diogee licked him and ran off.

“That was my only pair of earbuds,” Zack complained, poking at the mess of wires in the snow.

“I don’t use them,” Milo admitted. “Long cords that fray easily and me don’t mix that well. Melissa can tell you all about the time I got myself tangled in a cord extension behind the teacher’s desk in fifth grade and no one noticed until recess was over. Isn’t that right, Melissa?”

Melissa seemed too preoccupied with the huskies to notice. “Aw, aren’t you a good boy?” she cooed to a pure white one that almost blended with the snow. “Yes, you are! You didn’t mean to lead us on a death trap!”

“Melissa?” Chad coughed.

Her head shot up in alarm. “Huh? Someone say my name? Oh, yeah. When Milo was in fifth grade, he got tangled in a cord extension behind the teacher’s desk and no one noticed until recess was over. I think I’m gonna call this one Jack.” She immediately went back to talking with the huskies.

“Ooh, as in Jack London? He wrote Diogee’s favorite book!” Milo asked. “Can we call this one London? Or maybe Balto?”

Chad raised an eyebrow. “Your dog can read?”

“Well, yeah!” Milo said. “Why wouldn’t he be able to? He also likes that series about the feral cats.”

That sounded hard to believe. Then again, it was Milo after all.

“Well, I’ve had enough near-death experiences for a week,” Chad yawned. “I’d better get home now. Got some research to do.”

“Okay, see you at the Secret Santa party!” Milo exclaimed. Zack gave a thumbs-up, nudging Melissa. She waved dismissively, uninterested in anything that wasn’t a husky.

“Bye!” Chad exclaimed, an idea already forming in his mind over his gift.

* * *

 

“-and then Diogee got the huskies to follow him with the chicken-scented earbuds, saving us from certain death!” Chad finished. “Who knew moving death traps could be so inspiring for gift ideas?”

Leonardo retreated inside his shell.

Chad sighed. “You always do that when I tell you about my day.”

It was okay though. Donatello had always been the better listener between the two turtles anyway.

“Well, Zack is a newcomer,” Chad continued. “I guess if I moved somewhere and befriended the local kid with a bad luck streak longer than the Nile, I wouldn’t know that I should always have a few spare ear buds lest the pair I use get destroyed by unforeseen circumstances.”

Donatello blinked, stretching his neck in a slow nod.

“You’re the bomb,” Chad grinned. Donatello was definitely getting extra mealworms for his dinner. “Now, before I buy the earbuds, I don’t think it would hurt to find out Zack’s favorite color first.”

* * *

 

He retracted what he said earlier. Apparently trying to find out Zack’s favorite color while playing twenty questions in the cafeteria hurt a lot.

The cafeteria monitors were rushing around the cafeteria and attempting to restore order while the students panicked. Chad ducked under the table for cover as the Flying Spaghetti Monster slathered bright red puddles of marinara all over the ceiling and walls.

“I can’t believe this,” Melissa huffed, crouching uncomfortably next to Chad. “You’d think people would learn by now to be careful with Mr. Drako’s special family recipe.”

“I’m on my seventh question, right?” Chad asked over the sound of Milo revving up a portable vacuum cleaner.

“Eighth now,” Zack said.

Milo put on a pair of eye goggles and rubber gloves for protection. “This monster has terrorized the innocent denizens of Jefferson County Middle School for far too long,” he growled in an odd lower pitch that Chad hadn’t heard since the day with the sentient blob.

Zack checked his phone. “It’s been five minutes.”

“For FAR too long,” Milo continued. “Luckily, flying spaghetti monsters are a superstitious, cowardly lot. Remain where you are, and I’ll signal when it’s safe.” He charged out of their hiding place, shouting at the Flying Spaghetti Monster to face him man-to-food.

Noodles and meatballs scattered in every direction, though the table they were underneath held up surprisingly well.

“Now I’ve got two questions,” Chad said. “First, does Mr. Drako’s special family recipe involve blood in any of its components?”

Melissa shrugged. “I stayed after class to ask about it once. He says he substitutes paprika for garlic. That’s all I got out of him for ingredients though.”

Chad typed out a quick note on his phone so he could post that piece of information on his blog later. “Now, my second question is-“

Suddenly the table they were underneath was lifted into the air by several thick strands of noodles. Chad swore he could see himself in a dozen of the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s meatball eyes.

Meatballs were not meant to be reflective.

Milo jumped on the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s back-or what Chad assumed was its back, it was hard to tell-and switched on the portable vacuum cleaner. The cafeteria was filled with the sound of air being sucked in and terrified screeching as it tried shaking Milo off.

“Zack, look out!” Melissa yelped. She covered her eyes when Zack couldn’t evade the torrent of shredded parmesan and alfredo sauce.

“Ugh, I hate alfredo,” Zack coughed weakly, his hair dripping with sauce.

“I didn’t realize portable vacuums could hold that much stuff,” Chad said. The last bits of the Flying Spaghetti Monster disappeared, though the cafeteria still had its residue.

Milo patted the vacuum, grinning. At least his voice was normal again. Chad thought the deeper pitch was too creepy to belong to Milo. “Better get this to the dumpster before-“

The vacuum exploded, covering everyone with broken strands of noodles and marinara.

“Never mind.”

“-Zack, I just wanted to know your favorite color,” Chad sighed.

“It used to be red, but after this I’m not so sure,” Zack said, gingerly pulling a glob of marinara from his shirt. “Probably green now.”

* * *

 

“Mommy! Mommy! That boy’s covered in blood!” the little girl behind him screamed.

Chad set three packs of green earbuds on the counter. The cashier quirked an eyebrow at his disheveled appearance.

“If I said Milo, will that satisfy any questions you have?”


	3. Zack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t believe how random the last chapter turned out to be.

Zack could have easily bought Mort a bag of rocks and the guy enjoy it. But he was a lot more thoughtful than that. Maybe he wouldn’t go to the same lengths as Melissa was with her gift, but surely there was something he could buy that was better than a cheesy Christmas card with a candy cane taped inside.

“Mort, you keep forgetting to check your signs,” Bradley frowned, handing the math worksheet back.

Mort shrugged. “Not really. I know I’m a Libra.”

“I meant on the homework,” Bradley scoffed. “I could care less what zodiac your birthday falls under. That stuff isn’t even true.”

Mort never seemed to be affected by Bradley’s sour mood. At least, not outwardly. Besides Melissa, he was probably the only other person with the ability to hold a decent conversation with Bradley for an extended amount of time.

“Oh. Well, thanks. I was wondering why half of these problems had no solutions,” Mort said as erased his answers.

Bradley rolled his eyes, throwing his backpack over his shoulder. “It’s the stupid mistakes that net you a less than perfect score.”

He left the library, slamming the door behind him, much to the librarian’s disapproval.

“Wow,” Zack said. “Who spit in his milk?”

“Anyone would be upset if they were cursed with a bad hair day because Jupiter was in the third house,” Mort replied. He glanced up, licking his finger and sticking it in the air. “Do you feel that? Suddenly the atmosphere doesn’t seem as doom-and-gloomy as before.”

Unfortunately, Zack was not nearly as adept as reading the atmosphere.

* * *

Zack leaned over the large posterboard, carefully tracing over the title with a blue marker. Melissa reviewed her notes over Macbeth, highlighting certain lines in the book that she’d carefully picked out.

“This is torture,” Zack groaned. “How is anyone supposed to understand Shakespeare? There’s too many thees and thous and thys!”

Melissa recapped her highlighter, setting it aside. “Did you buy a copy with the modern translation next to the original text?”

“No, I checked mine out from the library,” Zack muttered.

“And there’s your problem,” Melissa replied. “But getting back on track, we’ll start with the hallucination of the dagger. What’s taking Milo so long with the snacks?”

Five minutes later, Milo came up with two large bags of chips and a pretzel bowl. He was covered in scratch marks from head to toe. “Sorry it took so long,” Milo said. “A squirrel got into our kitchen, and boy was it hungry. Good thing I always keep some pistachios nearby!”

“You didn’t miss much,” Melissa said. “Zack’s still copying the quotes. His handwriting is larger than mine.”

“Not nearly as neat though,” Zack said, moving on to the last quote. “And I was thinking of getting something like fortune telling for Mort. He has that weird thing about chakras and zodiacs.”

Milo glanced over what they had so far. “Can I do the drawings?” he asked.

Melissa tossed him the pencil. “Do it with pencil first. I want this to look good.”

“No problem!” Milo said, his tongue sticking out slightly as he worked on the rough sketch of a dagger dripping blood at the bottom. “Fortune telling, huh? Maybe I can do some fortune telling to give you an idea of what to get Mort!”

“You know how to tell someone’s fortune?” Zack asked.

Milo nodded. “My dad’s coworker’s sister’s friend’s barber’s cousin’s mother is a psychic! Dad took me to visit her once and she gave me a crystal ball so I can practice on my own!” He pulled a crystal ball and a bandana with hoop earrings attached out of his backpack.

“I guess a break couldn’t hurt,” Melissa said, moving the posterboard and snacks aside. She closed the blinds, which dimmed the light in the room.

Milo tied the bandana around his head, setting the crystal ball on a stand between the three of them. He lifted his hands, but was interrupted by a loud scream from downstairs.

Zack didn’t understand what this was supposed to accomplish.

“MILO!” Sara screamed, the door bursting open as she stumbled into the room. “Oh thank the gods of Yalkelvik, you have your fortune telling equipment out.”

“Hey, Sara! I was just about to help Zack decide on his Secret Santa gift to Mort!” Milo exclaimed. “What’s up?”

“You have to help me! It’s a crisis!” Sara begged.

“You don’t mind me helping her first, right?” Milo asked.

Zack waved him on. “Go right ahead. So what’s wrong?”

“Well, you know how the new Dr. Zone Funko Pops were released yesterday?” Sara chewed her lip nervously. “Neal was going to buy me one for Christmas but then Kris wanted me to go to the mall with her so we’re meeting up in two hours and we’re definitely heading to one of the small stores in the main area of the mall where they sell the Funko Pops and I have zero self-control so I’m probably gonna end up buying one-“ she took a deep breath “-and I don’t know which one Neal is going to buy me and I don’t wanna unwrap his gift and say ‘oh I already have this one’ and I just need to know ahead of time which one he’s buying so I know not to purchase it!”

“That does sound like a conundrum!” Milo hummed.

Zack leaned over to Melissa. “He understood all that? She lost me after Christmas.”

“Now gaze into the mists of…” Milo threw his arms out for dramatic emphasis. “…THE CRYSTAL BALL! MWAHAHAHA!”

Milo’s evil laugh was very unconvincing.

“Wait, no that’s the Saturday morning cartoon villain voice. Should I try again with the mystical fortune-teller voice?” Milo asked.

“Just help me decide,” Sara begged.

“Moment’s gone anyway. First, the spirits require something of value. They accept electronics,” Milo said.

Sara handed her cell phone over, and Milo hid it under the tablecloth. “Spirits, I ask you to reveal the Dr. Zone Funko Pop that Neal is planning to buy for Sara Murphy! I must ask all of you to scoot back. They like personal space.”

Sara and Melissa moved back. Zack leaned closer, trying to see what Milo was looking at, but Melissa yanked him away from the crystal ball. “It’s not like anything was there,” Zack said.

“The spirits have decided!” Milo exclaimed. “They’re sending their spooky spiritual waves into our world to link me with Neal!”

Neal appeared in the crystal ball, looking incredibly confused. “Wait, Milo? Where’s Sara? Nice hoops, by the way.”

“Thanks!” Milo exclaimed. “Sara-“ Sara made wild hand gestures. “Er-I wanted to know what Dr. Zone Funko Pop you’re buying her for Christmas so I don’t accidentally get her the same one.”

“Princess Shirazi,” Neal replied. “She kinda reminds me of Sara. You know, with how excited she gets when there’s something she’s really passionate about. Um, you aren’t going to mention that to her, right? Cause it’s kinda embarrassing when I say it out loud.”

Sara blushed, stifling her giggles with one hand.  

“By the way, Sara mentioned she was going to buy me one of the new figures that got released from Space Adventure. And I’m going to the mall in a few hours with Wally and I really need to know which one she’s getting me because Wally’s gonna pressure me into buying me one and I’ll give in like always so…yeah. I need some help,” Neal finished lamely.

Sara wrote a name on a piece of paper and passed it to Milo. Milo grinned. “That’s funny! My sister says she was going to the mall with Kris in a few hours too! What a coincidence! Oh, and she was planning to buy you the Lump Sharkboard figure.”

“Thanks so much,” Neal sighed. “I was worried for a second-wait, did you say she was going to the mall with Kris? Gotta run, I am totally not finding my trenchcoat from my last cosplay to go incognito so she doesn’t recognize me!”

“Bye!” Milo exclaimed.

“So the crystal ball actually worked?” Zack gasped.

Melissa rolled her eyes. “Gullible. He put Sara’s phone in the crystal ball. It was pretty obvious.” She reached inside the tablecloth and extracted the cell phone, giving it back to Sara.

“Sara?” Zack asked, waving his hand in front of her face.

“I’m going to put on oversized sunglasses and a floppy hat so he doesn’t recognize me,” Sara said as she hurried to her room.

Was this what teenage romance looked like? In that case, Zack decided he wanted to maintain his sanity for a while longer.

“They’re made for each other,” Melissa quipped.

“I know right!” Milo exclaimed. “Okay, Zack. Your turn now. Same procedure as before.”

Zack emptied his pockets, only finding a penny inside. He sheepishly offered it to Milo, who refused to take it.

“They have bad inflation in the spirit world,” he said as if that explained everything.

Starting tomorrow, Zack planned to refuse all offers to connect to spirits and psychics.

Zack took off his shoes instead, which Milo accepted. “So what do the spirits say about Mort?”

“Tarot cards,” Milo replied. “They say you need to give him tarot cards so they can tame his moles. I can’t tell if they mean the animal or the spots on skin though. Oh, wait a moment. Sorry, claim his soul. Maybe this was a bad idea.”

“How about I just get Mort an 8-ball instead?” Zack asked. “That’s probably a lot safer and soulsucking risk-free.”  


	4. Mort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can’t tell me Dr. Zone Funko Pops don’t exist in the Dwampyverse. Relax. Mort’s soul is perfectly safe.

Mort was used to the strange mixture of festive and anxious vibes that emanated from people in the weeks leading up to Christmas. Murphy’s Law tended to exaggerate the latter, especially in facilities that were either preparing for the Christmas rush or expecting a large turnout for special events.

“Lydia! I’m so happy you could bring your friends!” Mrs. Brooks exclaimed, though her excitement quickly evaporated when she saw Milo in the group of student volunteers Lydia had brought with her. “Even if one of them is a Murphy.” 

“Mom, you said it didn’t matter who signed up as long as I spread the word,” Lydia sighed. “Sorry, Milo. She’s always like this at Christmas.”

To his credit, Milo didn’t let the comment faze him. “I’m happy to help, Mrs. Brooks!”

“Right,” Mrs. Brooks chewed her lip nervously. “Thank you all for coming to decorate the library. You’ll have free reign to decorate however you want as long as the books and shelves remain intact. Please don’t destroy anything important. Like the building, for starters. If you need me, I’ll be in the main office screaming about how short-staffed we are.”

Lydia rolled her eyes. “Again, I know you people didn’t volunteer to see my mom turn the holiday season into a soap opera. I’ll show you where the decorations are, then we’ll divide everyone into groups. So who’s ready?”

Everyone cheered, except for Bradley. Mort detected a rather depressing aura coming from him. “It’s bad enough the school is a disaster zone. Let’s not expand the list.”

* * *

 

Mort certainly wasn’t complaining about paired with Amanda and Lydia. It would give him a chance to talk to Lydia and find out what she liked. But he wasn’t too concerned with the Secret Santa exchange. She tended to be vocal about her interests, so the gift wouldn’t be too hard to figure out.

They shared the ground floor with Bradley’s group, splitting the adult fiction and the DVD sections between them. Above them, they could hear Melissa and Zack arguing with each other while getting Milo untangled from the Christmas lights. The usual ‘silence is golden’ rule in the library would not be applicable in the library for the afternoon.

Good thing they had the foresight to close early for redecorating so no patrons were caught in the crossfire.

“Amanda! Stop organizing those books and help me with the tree!” Lydia shouted as she took the base out of a box.

Amanda shuffled through the books on the shelf, displeased at the original order. “Well, how is anyone supposed to find anything here if people refuse to properly alphabetize the books by author?”

“You can do it later!” Lydia said, lifting the middle portion of the tree into place.

Mort cleared a display table of the recommended books and spread a blue snowflake-patterned tablecloth over it, humming a tune to himself. He wondered if he could persuade the rest of Just Getting Started to consider doing a few Christmas tunes. There was that lovely song the entire city of Danville sang last year to prove they weren’t naughty to Santa. It wasn’t uncommon for local musicians to make a cover for it.

Another loud crash sounded from upstairs. “GET THOSE FERRETS OUT OF THE POINSETTIA!” Zack screamed.

“Another reason I didn’t want the upstairs,” Lydia said, standing on top of a chair to put up the final piece of the tree. “Ferret infestation.”

Amanda sat on the floor by the base of the finished tree, comparing two sets of ornaments. “Mort? Which pattern do you like better? Should it be red with reindeer after green with Santa hat surrounding the bottom of the tree? Or do you prefer the green with reindeer after the red Santa hat ornaments?”

Mort sat next to her, examining the ornaments carefully. “I think it would work best if you alternated the colors rather than the patterns,” he said. “And the reindeer ones are slightly bigger than the Santa hat ones. Not by much, but it’s easy to miss at first glance.”

Amanda hung a red and green reindeer ornament on the lowest branches, placing the Santa hat ornaments directly above them. “This looks so much better,” she said. “How are you so good at this?”

Mort handed her one end of a silver tinsel, and they carefully wrapped it around the tree. “My mom taught me, I guess,” he said. “I like decorating.”

“I got a text from Melissa,” Lydia said, waving her phone. “They neutralized the ferrets.”

“That’s good,” Mort said.

“But now they have to deal with the hedgehogs. Amanda, if you’d be a dear and grab the spare toilet paper rolls from the storage area so our friends can use them.”

Amanda glanced at the last box, which was still partly full. “But we aren’t finished here.”

“Amanda,” Lydia said gently, pushing her towards storage. “They need help up there. You should totally help.”

“I’m sure Milo has a handle on it,” Amanda said, squeaking as a blush crept up her face.

Lydia rolled her eyes. “One hand superglued to the handle anyway. You got this! Do you need a mental checklist? Cause I can give you a mental checklist. Step One, grab toilet paper rolls. Step Two, take toilet paper rolls upstairs. Step Three, help Milo!”

“Actually you’d have to divide the last one into several steps because ‘help’ is rather vague,” Amanda said. “And stop pushing. I’m going. Happy?”

Lydia grinned, saluting her. “You rock, girl!” Once Amanda was out of earshot, she pumped the air with her fist. “Melissa better send video of this moment.”

He set up several holiday plaques in open spots where there weren’t any books. “Of what moment?”

Glancing left and right to make sure nobody eavesdropped, Lydia beckoned him to lean in so she could whisper in his ear. “I set up mistletoe ahead of time.”

Milo’s crush on Amanda wasn’t a secret to the class. But not everyone noticed that Amanda seemed to be developing one back.

“What about the hedgehogs?” Mort asked.

Lydia shrugged. “Oh, they’re real. You’d be surprised at the sheer variety of animals that take up residence here during the winter. And the staff is always finding these little doll-sized fedoras around the area when they leave. Don’t know what’s up with that.”

“That sounds adorable,” Mort said.

“I know,” Lydia said. “You want nutcrackers or ballerinas?”

“Ballerinas,” Mort decided, picking a small one with a frilly tutu and setting it by a stuffed penguin. “By the way, what do you want for Christmas?”

Lydia whirled around. “Wait, you’re my Secret Santa? Oh, thank goodness. I thought I was gonna wind up with a gift card from a store I don’t even shop at from Bradley.”

“Yeah, I guess. It’s just easier to ask instead of you getting something you don’t like,” Mort said.

She sighed in relief. “Wow. This is not how Secret Santas work, like, at all. But at least you don’t assume. I could really go for some mint-scented candles. Those would really freshen up my bedroom.”

He nodded, making a note of her request on his phone.

Five minutes later, Amanda, Milo, Melissa, and Zack came back downstairs. They were covered in toilet paper, one trail leading from Melissa’s shoe to a shelf that was several feet away. Zack looked too exhausted to even deal with the hedgehog that had taken a liking to his hair.

“On the bright side, we got the ferrets out of the poinsettias and the upstairs is looking jolly and festive!” Milo exclaimed.

“But the mistletoe was destroyed,” Melissa said, patting Lydia’s back. “Sorry girl. We’ll get it on camera next time.”

“Aw, man!” Lydia groaned.  

Even if Lydia’s matchmaking scheme didn’t work, they still had five years of public school to figure it out. Besides, it was much more fun to let the events unfold on their own.


	5. Lydia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL I couldn’t resist the Milanda I hope you’re happy.

It wasn’t that she hated Bradley. She just held a really, really, really strong dislike to his sour attitude toward everything.

“Do you want to work on page two or page four of the packet?” Lydia asked. “I don’t mind taking the short answer if you want the multiple choice, then you can look over what I wrote when you’re done.”

“I’ll take the short answer,” Bradley said, not looking up from the answer. “I can never read your writing because it’s so sloppy.”

It took all of Lydia’s self-control to not screech at the bluntness of that statement. Even if she heard it from Amanda a million times before. At least she was nice about it though.

Before she could put too much thought into it, there was a loud pop by the door. The pencil sharpener broke off the wall, sending a cloud of shavings in Milo’s face. “Sorry!” he called out.

Bradley rolled his eyes. “This is what he gets for not switching to mechanical.”

Lydia pushed her pencil against the paper hard enough to snap the lead.

* * *

 

“You’ve procrastinated on this long enough,” Amanda said, pacing around Lydia’s bedroom. “You are coming up with that gift idea right now. And there will be no foreign dramas, no musical theater, and no recruiting for the next school production until you have that idea. Am I clear?”

Lydia pushed a pillow against her face, refusing to see anything but the comfort of darkness. “No.”

She felt something fluffy and soft smack her on the bottom.

“You are to think, breathe, and sweat gift ideas until I say otherwise,” Amanda said.

Lydia groaned and flipped over so she could see Amanda clicking her pen as she waited.

“To free up your motor functions, you’ll think and I’ll write the list,” Amanda explained.

And so the most painful half-hour of her too-short life had dawned upon her with the force of a thousand burning suns.

“Scented candles, not too heavy but not too light,” Lydia said. “Ones that perk the senses, but not enough to overwhelm.”

Amanda finally set the pen aside, her eyes flicking as she scanned the list. “Lydia, these are all things you like,” she sighed. “We don’t know for sure if Bradley likes scented candles, various Broadway soundtracks, Love Handel, or I quote ‘the cute boy with the braces in the third row of Mrs. White’s class’.”

Drawing her knees up to her chest, Lydia pouted. “What? Chad’s cute. And I’m not the only one who has a thing for boys who have a penchant for finding trouble.”

“We are focusing on gift ideas for Bradley!” Amanda said furiously. “Don’t change the subject!”

“Wait, I have a brilliant idea!” Lydia exclaimed, grabbing her phone. “This isn’t over, by the way.”

Lydia 4:32 pm

_I need your help stat_

Her phone buzzed a few minutes later.

Melissa 4:36 pm

_I HAVE A MILO YOU ARE NOT PUTTING ME IN A HUMAN SIZED GIFT BOX_

Lydia fell against her pillow, ignoring Amanda’s disapproval of the only idea she had.

“What? You ruled out all my other options. I’m allowed a last resort.”

* * *

 

She had zero luck in figuring out what Bradley liked. He spent all of second period sulking while Mrs. Murawski attempted to polish her desk and teach the class the carbon cycle at the same time.

Lydia heard the stories of Bradley’s inexplicable attraction to the self-serve ice cream machine on the yacht. While she hadn’t witnessed his flirting firsthand, she had seen Mort emerge from one of the lower rooms while hauling Bradley up, both covered in melted strawberry ice cream and rainbow sprinkles.

As she walked down the hall to her locker, she was too engrossed in her thoughts to notice where she was going. Her head slammed into something hard and metallic, and she fell on her back, groaning in pain.

When her vision cleared, she found Milo kneeling beside her on the floor. “Lydia, I’m so sorry!” he said quickly. “What’s your full name? How many fingers am I holding up? Where were you on the night of May 23rd?”

The hit hadn’t been hard enough to give her a concussion at least. “Lydia Brooks,” she said, the throbbing settling into a dull ache. “Holding up three fingers, and May 23rd is my older cousin’s birthday, so probably out celebrating at a restaurant.”

“Okay, you pass,” Milo said, helping her up with a grin. “Though I could’ve sworn it was two fingers.”

Lydia poked the masking tape wrapped around the fingers on Milo’s right hand. “Your pinky is in there too. Didn’t notice?”

“No, I guess I didn’t,” Milo chuckled. “So, about that gift box-“

“I wasn’t planning on texting Melissa to meet me in the theater room so I could substitute a tuba case for the gift box! What makes you think that?” Lydia laughed nervously.

“You know you don’t need to resort to illegal methods to obtain your Secret Santa present, right?” Milo asked. “Besides, it wouldn’t have worked anyway since Melissa’s standing right behind you.”

“What?” Lydia shrieked, turning around to find herself face to face with Melissa. “Hey girl! What’s up? Um, so about the whole gift box thing, I was joking! Just a silly inside joke between me and Amanda, so we cool?”

She finished with an awkward grin.

Melissa had brought her best unimpressed face to the conversation. And Lydia was no match for it.

“Okay, I admit it! You caught me! I need help!” Lydia clung to Milo’s sweatervest, sinking to her knees in desperation. “And I’m not talking about professional help here!”

“Relax,” Melissa said. “I just so happen to have the seat next to Bradley in computer lab. Did you know he likes to look up kittens on the Internet? Guess he has a soft spot for animals.”

Lydia nodded. “So I can just get him a card with a kitten and maybe a cat pun! Thanks, you’re the best! And the tuba case in the theater room? I don’t know what I was thinking with that! Jeez, you’d think the president of the theater club would have a level head!”

“Yeah, you’d think,” Melissa said dryly.

* * *

 

“Perfect,” Bradley grumbled. “This is how I always wanted to go out. Trapped behind the bleachers by an overturned parade float of an obscure band alongside a theater kid.”

Lydia tried to push the paper mache aside, her feet scrabbling against the concrete. When that didn’t work, she tried checking for a gap at both ends. Unfortunately, her phone had died a few minutes ago so she had no flashlight to check for spaces large enough to peer through.

“Quit being so dramatic,” Lydia snapped. “Do you have any of our classmates’ numbers in your phone? Besides, Milo’s there. He’ll get us out.”

She knew Bradley was rolling her eyes at her even if she couldn’t see him that well. “I texted Melissa. She said Milo is busy trying to get the crowbar away from a mischievous capuchin monkey. Figures. We’re completely reliant on the most dangerous kid on Earth.”

“Maybe we wouldn’t be so reliant on them if you didn’t just sit there moping about it,” Lydia growled. “And what beef do you have with Milo? Just because Murphy’s Law happens from time to time doesn’t mean it’s the culprit behind every little bit of bad luck.”

“Let me think,” Bradley shot back. “What caused us to be stuck on the deserted island? What caused the sentient blob the day we had Mrs. Baxter? But most importantly, what caused Carla’s destruction?”

Lydia didn’t reply.

“Murphy’s Law! And by extension, Milo!” Bradley declared. “If it hadn’t been for him, then Carla would still be bolted to the wall!”

Wait. Lydia had been expecting him to focus on Milo, not have a fixation on a machine. There was something seriously wrong here.

And then it hit her.

He was lonely. Guy seriously needed a break.

Truth be told, she was starting to feel bad for mocking the Carla incident behind his back.

She was going to feel awkward for this, but there weren’t enough people around to make her embarrassed. “Hey, I’m really-“

A soft cry interrupted her.

She glanced around, though unable to see much. To her surprise, Bradley stood up, his phone light on to serve as a flashlight. He motioned for her to keep quiet, and she nodded, listening carefully for any more sounds.

A louder cry sounded from beneath a low hanging beam.

Bradley angled his phone light down, the beam falling upon a small, ruffled kitten with a dark gray coat. The kitten mewed again and rubbed up against Bradley’s leg. Lydia clutched a steel beam, trying her best not to faint from the cutest kitten she’d ever seen in her life.

To her surprise, Bradley bent down and picked the kitten up. “Are you lost, kitty?” he asked softly. His voice lacked the sharp edge she had grown accustomed to, and she almost fell over in shock.

The kitten wriggled and twisted, before resting her head in the crook of his elbow. Her amber eyes blinked up at Bradley.

If someone told her that Bradley was a cat lover a week ago, she would’ve laughed in their face. Heck, earlier she was only using it to her advantage because it was the only gift idea she thought Bradley wouldn’t completely treat with a hundred percent contempt.

And even then ‘get something with cats’ was a bit vague.

A grinding noise sounded from the side of the parade float, breaking the kitten out of her relaxed state. She mewed frantically while Bradley gently stroked the top of her head to calm her down.

The truck shifted enough to allow them space to squeeze through, and they emerged to a round of cheers from their classmates. Milo’s hair was messed up and half of his sleeve was missing, but like everyone else he was happy to see them safe and sound.

“Sorry, it took so long,” Milo said. “A capuchin monkey stole my crowbar. Then Zack activated the confetti cannons and it blasted Chad in the face so we had to calm him down while he ran around in circles.”

Over to the side, Chad was clutching his left eye. “I can still feel the paper,” he muttered.

“Where did the kitten come from?” Melissa asked. She was one of the few girls who hadn’t crowded around Bradley to get a better look at the kitten in his arms.

“She’s a stray,” Lydia replied. “Took an instant liking to Bradley too. They just clicked.”

Melissa nudged her. “Just squeal to high heaven about the cuteness already.”

Lydia shrugged. “Not right now. I need time to think for my dramatic monologue. These things take practice.”

The discovery of the kitten had put Bradley in such a good mood that he didn’t protest Milo stroking her fur. “Are you keeping her?” he asked. “She’s a total cutie!”

“I’m not heartless. What do you take me for?” Bradley rolled his eyes. “Besides, my parents were already considering letting me adopt a cat.”

Milo grinned. “That’s great! Early Christmas presents are the best! Especially when they’re unexpected.”

“So what are you planning to call her?” Lydia asked.

Bradley looked down at the kitten, who stretched and nuzzled his face. “Pepper,” he said.

Everyone stared at him.

“What? You people can’t seriously expect me to name everything Carla.”

* * *

 

The next day, Lydia bought a red bow and a card that had a cute picture of two kittens chilling in a stocking above the fireplace.

She was confident Pepper would have a loving home. Seriously, whoever could butter Bradley up by merely existing had some major points in her book.


	6. Bradley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait! I went home for Thanksgiving and we just got the Internet back! 
> 
> So yeah tons of cuteness in the last chapter. Headcanon that Bradley is totally a cat lover! Also Pepper’s original name was Ashley but then I thought Bradley already had a name that ends with -ley and it looked too similar. Besides, salt and pepper go together!

“You’re picky, aren’t you?” Bradley asked. Pepper mewed and turned her nose up at the white cat bed Bradley pointed out. “Do you want a darker color?”

Pepper batted at the air in front of her.

“This one’s too big,” Bradley said, kneeling to look at the items on the bottom row. “And this one’s expensive.”

He set Pepper down so he could look at the price tag of a brown, circular bed. The fleece was soft and fluffy, and had room to spare as Pepper grew up.

“What about this one?” he asked, his heart sinking when he realized Pepper hadn’t answered like she normally did. “Pepper?”

It hadn’t been a week and he’d already lost track of his kitten. She couldn’t possibly get into trouble. No, there was no way she could waltz out the door and get chased by stray dogs or hit by a car or be buried in a landslide-

Bradley inhaled deeply, though it didn’t help calm his heart at all. He walked through the aisle twice, but there was no sign of a dark gray kitten anywhere.

“Bradley!” An all-too familiar voice shouted. “Hey! What are you doing here?”

The last thing he needed with this disaster of epic proportions was the epitome of catastrophe himself.

“Milo,” Bradley said flatly. “Go away. Weekends are my breaks.”

“Well, I can’t leave Diogee behind!” Milo cheerfully waved to Diogee, who was behind a large enclosure with a group of five other dogs. Diogee barked at the acknowledgement. “Also, Melissa’s the assistant teacher!”

“Assistant teacher for what?” Bradley asked.

“Oh, you didn’t know?” Milo asked. “Diogee teaches ACL. American Canine Language for short. This pet store lets them use the space on Saturdays at noon. It’s really nice of them to do that.”

Melissa put a fluffy Pomeranian down, opening the door a crack so she could join the conversation but not let the dogs out. “Between you and me, I have no idea what they’re saying. I’m just here to pet some pooches,” she whispered to Bradley.

Bradley pulled away, quickly turning his back on Milo so he didn’t see his cheeks heat up. Of course he’d been thinking about Melissa’s gift, but he only thought about it during school since Pepper wasn’t distracting him. Not that all distractions were bad of course. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to go find Pepper.”

“Did you lose her?” Milo asked. “I can help you look. It’s no trouble. Maybe I can get Diogee to sniff her out for you.”

“Yes, I lost her,” Bradley snapped. “And keep your mutt away.”

No amount of telling Milo to keep out of his business was working, so Bradley had no choice but to let Milo follow behind him. In that timespan, three shopping carts overturned and a large bag of dog food split open, the entire back half of the store now filled with the sounds of crunching kibble and barking dogs.

They checked the bird aisle, the toy section, the aquarium decorations, and the grooming services, but they still couldn’t spot Pepper anywhere.

“It’s hopeless,” Bradley muttered. “We’ll never find her.”

“Don’t give up!” Milo said. “I’m sure she’s fine.”

Bradley scoffed, folding his arms. “And how do you know?”

“Because she’s right next to your head,” Milo replied. “Hi, Pepper! You had us all worried!”

Bradley whipped around, but before he could scoop Pepper up, she turned tail and settled into a black cat bed, curling in on herself and yawning.

“I can’t believe she was napping the entire time,” Bradley said, taking the cat bed off the shelf. “I’m not hanging around longer than I need to. I only came in here to buy her bed.”

Milo nodded. “See you on Monday then! Bye, Pepper!”

“Keep your voice down! She’s asleep!”

* * *

 

Pepper adjusted to his house quickly, so he was able to focus his attention on his gift to Melissa.

She was intelligent, but often forgetful. Bradley had seen her weak throwing arm, so sports equipment was ruled out.

Safety equipment? She was almost always in the splatter zone.

But Melissa never hesitated in telling people off when she thought they were being too paranoid around Milo. In Bradley’s opinion, there was little paranoia in fearing for his life when ‘anything that can go wrong’ did not exclude dying.

He liked to think he had good self-preservation instincts, a skill which many kids at Jefferson County Middle School sorely lacked.

Maybe a second opinion wouldn’t hurt. Girls were complicated after all.

* * *

 

Bradley deliberately hung back while the other kids crossed the street to get to the bus stop. Since there were currently only four functioning buses due to circus elephants stampeding through the parking lot at the main district office, the buses wouldn’t come around for another fifteen minutes.

That was plenty of time to chat.

“Elliot, I have a question for you,” Bradley said.

Elliot was still shaking his fist at Milo. “And if I even see you trying to cover your arm with any bracelet that’s on my prohibited list, you’ll be sorry!”

Bradley rolled his eyes. “Do I want to know why you have a prohibited list for bracelets?”

“Not just for bracelets. Also includes any other pieces of jewelry that can potentially get caught on water heaters, streetlamps, or luggage carts,” Elliot replied. “Always good to help educate a student on safety protocol.”

“No, that was a question formulated out of disbelief,” Bradley sighed. “Say, hypothetically, there was a pretty girl at school and a Secret Santa exchange is coming up in less than a month. What would you get her?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” Elliot said. “Matching safety vests! That way you can walk home at night and the color is bright enough so people can see you! Except make sure the girl in question isn’t also a regionally acclaimed skateboarder. Wendy didn’t like it that much when I gave tickets to all the other skateboarders at the state competition for violating basic safety principles. It totally wasn’t my fault. They deserved those citations for not completely wearing a protective bubble wrap layer while skateboarding along the half-pipe like any sane person would.”

Bradley wouldn’t be caught dead in one of Elliot’s overly saturated safety vests.

He walked to the bus stop with nine minutes to spare. “Thanks for nothing. I have no idea what I was thinking asking him for help,” he muttered.

* * *

 

“Why don’t you ask Milo?” Mort suggested. “He hangs out with Melissa all the time. He’ll probably know a lot of things that she likes.”

Bradley tapped his pencil in irritation and tried to focus on the assignment in front of him. “I am not asking the Boy Blunder for help. I’m not that desperate.”

Mort raised an eyebrow. “You say you aren’t desperate. But your aura is a deep purple like you’re afraid of what will happen in the near future should you fail to procure a suitable present.”

“Don’t try to read my thoughts,” Bradley snapped. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“And there’s a hint of green mixed in there too. Usually it stands for disgust,” Mort said.

Bradley shrugged. “In my defense, they were serving meatloaf for lunch.”

* * *

 

He was not going to regret this. He was not going to watch what little dreams he had crash and burn before they even got off the ground.

“I need help,” he said.

He fought the urge to scream, run, and live like a hermit for the rest of his life. Getting Melissa a present took precedence over his disdain for Milo. It was a constant internal struggle.

Milo gasped, a sickeningly bright smile taking over his face. “Sure! I’d love to help! I don’t know what you might need it for, but consider it accepted anyway!”

As he stood up in excitement, the open water bottle on his desk tipped over, spilling liquid all over the nearby electrical cords. The cords sparked and they quickly moved away from the small fire that sprung up.

He was definitely starting to regret this decision.

Looking around to make sure Melissa wasn’t in the vicinity, Bradley beckoned Milo closer, though he made sure there was an arm’s length between them. “What does Melissa like?”

“Lots of things!” Milo exclaimed. Apparently he never learned volume control, Bradley thought. “Good grades, friends, Diogee, music, risk-taking, bets, and puppies. I’m guessing puppies are kinda out of your budget though.”  

As much as he wanted to disregard Milo, he had good ideas sometimes.

Only sometimes.

“Maybe not every kind of puppy,” Bradley said. “Does she like stuffed animals?”

Milo nodded. “She doesn’t really buy them herself. They’re usually gifts. And you can tell which ones were from me, because there’s always a leg or eye lost between the time I buy them and when she receives them. One time I knocked over the shelf where she displays them and now she has caution tape around the perimeter.”

“That’s all I need to know,” Bradley said. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere else to be.”

“Where?” Milo asked.

A perfume cloud suddenly enveloped the classroom from a girl’s spilled bottle, causing the people in the back to cough as their senses were overwhelmed.

“Anywhere that doesn’t have an ocean mist scented perfume cloud,” Bradley replied, gathering his things and leaving the class so he didn’t get stuck with the scent all over his clothes. “And don’t think for one minute that asking for your help is going to be a regular occurrence.”

* * *

 

He found himself in the stuffed animal section of a toy store, looking through all the plush dogs on the shelves. They had just about every breed of canine imaginable, and Bradley belatedly realized he didn’t ask Milo about the breeds Melissa liked.

He tried to picture Diogee in his mind, though he had no idea what kind of dog he was. He appeared to be a corgi or dachshund though. It was probably the stubby legs.

After some debate, he picked a small Shiba Inu plushie complete with Santa hat. It wasn’t anything extravagant, but he hoped Melissa would find it cute anyway.

He was sure the plushie could never be as adorable as Pepper though.


	7. Melissa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holidays are a great source of inspiration! Just sayin’!

The nice thing about her gift was that she had most of her materials already. It was just a matter of putting it together in a scrapbook whenever she found the time. Her photo collection of Murphy’s Law incidents took up so much space that her dad had complained, so she figured storing the ones she didn’t regularly analyze in a scrapbook and giving it to Milo would be better than tossing them.

So far, she had a section dedicated to school, animals, family, and miscellaneous things that didn’t fit anywhere else.

“Maybe there’s such a thing as too much,” she muttered, tossing aside another photo of the Llama Incident. There were ten of those in the scrapbook already, so she didn’t need any more from that day. Unfortunately, her phone had died in the middle of the Woodpecker Incident, so she only had pictures until they evaded the crocodiles.

It didn’t bother her too much though.  

Melissa kept anything that had Cavendish and Dakota in the background, since she was still trying to figure out a pattern for their appearances. Besides, Cavendish getting hit with Murphy’s Law by proxy was comedy gold.

Soon she only had two pages left, but no more photos. To fill in the space, she signed her name with a huge signature that took up half the page.

Then she fired off a quick text to Sara and Zack, asking them to meet her in the park in an hour. She was lucky Milo was out for father-son bonding time this afternoon.

* * *

 

“Glad you could make it,” Melissa said, opening her backpack and taking out the scrapbook and several colored pens. “Sign somewhere on the last two pages please. I’d like to have this scrapbook done today.”

Sara claimed almost the entire space with a sketch of Dr. Zone and Time Ape, leaving Zack to write his name in a spare corner.

“Was the drawing necessary?” Zack asked.

“Look, I’m trying to learn how to do art here,” Sara replied. “This girl’s gotta practice. At least a legion of Oldbies can’t possibly flame me for this one because they don’t like how I’ve been drawing Dr. Zone’s cast.”

When they were finished, Melissa unzipped her bag and shoved two other books to the side to make room. Before she could put the scrapbook away, something swooped out of nowhere and snatched it out of her hand.

She yelped and pulled back, her hand suddenly stinging. A small gash had opened on her skin, but it wasn’t too deep. Sara pointed up with a shout of surprise, and they watched an eagle fly towards the trees with the scrapbook clutched in its talons.

Before Melissa could rush off after the eagle, Sara pulled her towards her car and bandaged the scratch. “Lucked out,” Sara said. “The talon only grazed you.” 

Melissa scowled. “I didn’t spend all week on that scrapbook just to have a birdbrain snatch it out of my hand. I’m going after it.”

Zack scanned the area with a pair of borrowed binoculars from Sara’s car. “Looks like the eagle dropped it and caught a duck instead. Hopefully it didn’t drop the scrapbook directly into the lake.”

The park was full of kids playing in the snow, so they had to be careful. Zack was nearly knocked down by two girls on a sled, while Sara had snow in her cap from being pelted with a stray snowball.

When they reached the shore, they found Elliot sprawled on his back, the scrapbook lying on his chest as he wheezed for air. His earmuffs were half-buried in the snow behind him.

“Thanks for being a pillow to my scrapbook,” Melissa said. She plucked it off his chest, flipping through the pages to make sure there wasn’t any damage. There were several scratches from the talons on the cover, and a small amount of snow had collected in the corners, but she didn’t see any long-lasting damage.

“Not so fast,” Elliot recovered quickly, and he put the scrapbook in a large, crumpled plastic bag faster than she could blink. “This is a direct violation of the Safety Manifesto, Article Two, Section Five, which clearly states that heavy objects cannot incapacitate the Safety Czar by falling out of the sky. And by the powers invested in the Safety Czar, that would be me, Paragraph Three allows the one who got hit, again that’s me, to take the object in question as incriminating evidence of a disregard for the safety of the populace and the greater good.”

“Aren’t you violating park rules by stealing?” Zack asked.

Melissa rolled her eyes. Somehow it didn’t surprise her that Elliot managed to annoy everyone except Milo on his off-days too. “That’s a gift for a friend,” she said, deliberately not mentioning the recipient. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with another anti-Milo rant. “So fork it over.”

“You’ll get it back once I’m finished analyzing the evidence,” Elliot replied. “Which could take anywhere from a few days to a month.”

“A month?” Melissa protested. “The Secret Santa party is in a week!”

Elliot ignored her, waving to Sara as he passed by her. “Hey, Sara. What’s up?”

Sara just glared at him. “You are very lucky there are witnesses around.”

He laughed nervously. “So about the incident in B Hall when you were a freshman-“

Sara crossed her arms. “Kris still hasn’t forgiven you. I suppose I could text her right now. I bet she would love to catch up and see how you’re doing now that you’ve graduated.”

Elliot gulped, wisely deciding not to push his luck. “No, that won’t be necessary. I’ll...I’ll just be on my way. No need to let her know of my whereabouts!”

Tossing the scrapbook to Melissa, he ran away, not even bothering with the blatant ‘safety violations’ that were being committed by children of all ages as he made a beeline for the bike rack.

“Thanks, Sara,” Melissa said, putting the scrapbook away before anything else could harm it. She made a mental note to store her gift under lock and key until the day of the party. “So why is Elliot afraid of your friend?”

“In order to properly tell you, I would need to flashback to the day of November 8 in my freshman year,” Sara said, waving her arms in an arc above her head. “Commence ripple effect!”

“Ripple effect?” Zack whispered.

“Just pretend there’s a distortion in space-time that allows us to see into the past,” Melissa said.

* * *

 

_‘Twas a dark and stormy hallway…._

“Wait, how can a hallway be stormy?”

_Get out of my flashback!_

“Sorry.”

_Eh, letting it slide. Two pretty freshman girls waited with bated breath for Mrs. Gilbert’s infamous English class. Rumor has it that the smartest students have been driven insane by an unknown entity that lurks within her wig. A senior once knocked it off her head to discover the hidden trove of secrets buried in the strands, and nobody ever saw hide or hair of him again._

_But even the hallways are filled with danger in the early hours of the morning! While it wasn’t late enough for the boys’ bathroom to emit a stench so powerful it would make a thousand skunks boil with envy, at no hour was any student safe from the likes of…Elliot Decker!_

_DUN DUN DUN!_

“I don’t think the sound effects were necessary.”

“Zack, just let her flashback in peace!”

_Aka the Hall Monitor!_

_A weirdo who would try to write you up for not having double knots in shoelaces, or try to pass a resolution through the student council that anyone caught with an open flap in their backpacks would be sentenced to two days in detention!_

_That fateful day, he spotted us minding our own beeswax while we waited anxiously for class to begin._

_“Halt!” he declared. “You two aren’t sitting criss-cross applesauce! Your legs are a prime tripping hazard for those hurrying to class!”_

_He may have thought we were weak little freshman ripe for the picking, but there was nothing that could scare Kris! She was fearless! Except for copyright strikes, of course, but that’s another story._

_“I spent the last 36 hours marathoning The Dr. Zone Files in preparation for the new season,” Kris growled. “I am tired, I regret nothing, I didn’t eat breakfast, and I swear if you try and pull this garbage on me, I will hunt you down and force-feed you that stop sign piece by piece.”_

_And so Elliot slunk away, his metaphorical tail between his legs._

* * *

 

“End ripple effect!” Sara said. “So yeah, that’s what happened! Don’t mess with Kris when she’s sleep-deprived.”

“Wow,” Zack said. “It’s hard to believe you went to the same high school.”

Melissa nodded. “But still just as crazy.”

Sara’s phone buzzed, and she pulled it out of her pocket, shaking her head. “I gotta run. Milo and Dad managed to get themselves tangled in Christmas lights around a life-sized gingerbread house.”

“Okay, I’m putting this scrapbook away where no eagles can snatch it. See you guys later!”

She waved goodbye to Sara and Zack, holding the straps of her bag tightly as she walked home.

* * *

 

Her dad was in the kitchen with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate when she walked in through the front door. “Figured you wanted to warm up,” he said. “Lots of marshmallows too, just how you like it.”

Melissa shook off her snow boots, leaving them on the porch outside. She shut the door behind her, taking a spare key that hung on a rack above the dresser and locking the scrapbook inside the top drawer. “Thanks, Dad,” she said. “By the way, the scrapbook doesn’t leave that dresser until the day of the party.”

She sipped her mug, the warmth trickling down her throat. Richard Chase made the best hot chocolate in the city, she was sure.

“Well, at least there’s room to breathe around here now,” Richard said. “And try not to burn anything down next week when you’re having fun with your friends.”

Melissa shrugged. “I make no promises.”


	8. Milo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this story. And I love all my awesome readers!

“Dad?” Milo asked.

A dull thud sounded from underneath the family minivan, followed by a groan. Martin pushed himself out, a hand pushed to his temple. “What’s up, mini-me?”

“I was wondering,” Milo said awkwardly, nudging a nearby screwdriver with his foot. “There’s a girl at school that I kinda like and I drew her name for the Secret Santa party in a few days. What if whatever I get her is carried away by a flock of crows? Or destroyed in some other way?”

Martin thought for a moment, rubbing his chin with his hand. Milo covered his mouth and tried not to snicker at the oil smear he was spreading on his face. “I’m sure she’ll understand if your gift gets destroyed. But in the end, the important thing is that you considered her interests,” Martin replied. “I also have a small safe in my closet you can borrow. Doesn’t hurt to have extra protection.”

Milo nodded. “Okay, thanks! When you put it like that, girls really aren’t as hard to figure out as television makes it seems.”

“They’re pretty forgiving too,” Martin added. “The first time I went on a date, we went camping and wound up stuck in a net that was ten feet off the ground. I was so worried about making the list of worst first dates in the world, but I married her years later, so things worked out in the end!”

“What your father neglected to mention is that he was showing me how to detect and avoid common traps at the time.”

Brigette leaned against the door, giggling to herself. Milo gave her a quick hug, and she ruffled his hair.

“Thanks for the advice!” Milo exclaimed.

He broke the hug and headed into the house, but a crash made him turn around in time to see a raccoon stealing the front license plate. “Aw man,” Martin groaned.

“Clean the oil off your face first, Martin,” Brigette said. “Then I’ll kiss you.”

* * *

 

“-so for the buffet, we should put all cookies on the left side,” Amanda said, holding her checklist so close to Melissa’s face that she had to back up. “Oatmeal raisin closest to the edge, so that in the event of an accident, we can at least save the more delicious varieties. Then we also have sugar, snickerdoodle, and chocolate chip.”

Melissa gave her a thumbs-up. “Sounds good,” she said. “Though I don’t see why the arrangement of the food matters so much.”

“Matters so much?” Amanda yelped. “Are you kidding me? Of course it does! What kind of monster puts the cheese platters next to the fruitcake? Those do not belong on the same table! What do you think, Lydia?”

Lydia shrugged, uninterested in their squabble.

“As long as the items are properly labelled, I don’t mind how you want to arrange it,” Mort said. “I’m allergic to peanuts. Found out after I was hospitalized after my first ever trip to a circus.”

Amanda nodded. “See? He’s helpful! I’ll be sure to label which items have peanuts, just in case.”

“Sweet,” Mort grinned.

“Yeah,” Milo agreed. Since the girls were preoccupied with planning the setup, he figured this was a good time to talk about Amanda’s gift.

More accurately, what he could give to Amanda that wouldn’t be destroyed by fire, cassowaries, or wayward paragliders.

“Confession, I still haven’t bought a present for Amanda,” Milo whispered.

“Dude, the party’s in a few days,” Zack replied, keeping his voice low. “You gotta come up with something quick.”

“I know,” Milo replied. “Do you think she’ll accept an accidentally smushed gift?”

Zack shook his head. “How about you try not to smush it?”

“Will do!” Milo exclaimed, a little too loudly. He glanced over to the girls, who were still engrossed in their planning. They hadn’t heard him at least. “Sara and I are going Christmas shopping tomorrow anyway. I can figure it out then!”

* * *

 

“Do you know if she likes Dr. Zone?” Sara asked as she rifled through a Space Adventure collection in the sci-fi section. “Oh, thank goodness they still had one last figure of Lump Sharkboard.” She held it up triumphantly. “Neal is gonna love this! As long as he isn’t secretly hiding somewhere in the T-shirt racks, watching us.”

“I can assure you that he is not in the coat racks,” Milo said. Catching Sara’s skeptical look, he put his right hand over his heart. “I swear it on the Book of Aropsias.”

“That’s the most serious oath you can make, bro,” Sara said. “It didn’t bode well for Dr. Langley when he failed to keep his vow. Man, that guy was definitely the creepiest part of the Aropsian Civil War arc.”

Milo shrugged. “I know. And I never asked Amanda what TV shows she liked. The subject never came up.”

Sara handed the cashier a twenty dollar bill. “Okay, this could complicate matters since my general expertise lies in geekdom, but I promise to help you pick something she would enjoy and keep it safe so it’ll be intact for your party.”

The cashier glanced over to Milo with a wary look in his eyes. “You know we have a you break it, you buy it policy here?”

“He’s not standing near any breakable merchandise,” Sara retorted, snatching her change from the cashier. “The nerve of some people…”

The glass of the display windows shattered, though Milo was standing far away enough to not get sprayed with any shards.

Sara turned back to the cashier, chuckling nervously as she tugged Milo out of the store. “Like I said, not near the merchandise. Goodbye.”

They decided to try looking for gifts on the other side of the mall after taking a much needed hot chocolate break. Sara ordered two medium peppermint hot chocolates from a drink stand while Milo plopped down at a table.

On the other side of the mall plaza was a Santa’s Workshop setup, at least ten children lined up in anticipation of meeting the jolly man himself. Their parents fiddled with the cameras, gently telling their kids to wait their turn whenever they grew impatient.

Sara sipped her drink, giggling at the sight of a rambunctious little girl yanking on Santa’s beard. “Remember the last time we went to see Santa before we were slapped with that permanent ban?” she asked. “His chair toppled over when you were sitting on his lap and his beard and hat fell off!”

Milo laughed. “I did say sorry to Mr. Benson later. He never did hold it against me.”

The peppermint hot chocolate was indeed delicious, and the cups were quickly drained once they cooled enough to take more than just a tiny sip.

They tried several stores, but Milo didn’t see anything he thought Amanda would like. He briefly considered a 30 inch planner, but it wouldn’t fit into his Dad’s safe. Besides, it was far too big for anyone to lug around comfortably.

“Jewelry?” Milo suggested. He was running out of ideas.

Sara shook her head. “Too fragile and expensive. Some girls won’t wear more than a pair of earrings and maybe a bracelet. I have an entire drawer of jewelry Grandma gets me for my birthday that I never wear myself. I’ve been procrastinating on selling those lately.”

“True,” Milo sighed. Then a glitter caught his eye.

Checking the rack next to him, he found a lone headband that had a single band of sequins running across the length of the band. It was a pleasant shade of dark pink, the same color Amanda always wore.

“Sara, I think I found it!” Milo exclaimed.

“That’s perfect!” Sara exclaimed. “See? As Dad always says, the simple things are the best!”

“Didn’t he tell us that as a warning to never create a fifty-two step plan for talking to a girl only for things to go wrong halfway through Step 1?” Milo asked.

“Eh, context, schmontext.”

* * *

 

Only two sequins fell off the headband before he was able to put it in the safe. He debated gluing them back on, but decided against it when he figured the glue could easily tangle in Amanda’s hair. He hoped she liked it enough.

And he definitely couldn’t wait to have fun with everyone at the party!


	9. Let's Party, Everyone!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the last chapter for this story! Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Going back to a happy Christmas fic!

Per Mort’s request, Amanda made sure to label which food items contained peanuts. The 7th graders would be released to the library in five minutes, so she was on crunch time with the set-up. 

The Christmas tree stood proudly in the center of the room, while dozens of decorations lined the library walls and shelves. Amanda was glad that the item shortage at Jefferson County Middle School didn’t extend to holiday decorations. 

While Amanda adjusted several chairs, a bell chimed to signal the long-awaited announcement. 

“I’m telling you my keys are somewhere in the cafeteria,” Principal Milder snapped to someone. “If you don’t find them in the next half hour, I’m shoving you into-ah, was this thing on?” An awkward silence filled the air before she continued. “Please don’t tell any visiting administrators about that last sentence. Thanks. Teachers, please release the 7th graders who are participating in the Secret Santa party. Enjoy!”

Amanda scanned the room one more time, turning a snow globe slightly to the right. 

The library door burst open, and her classmates poured in. Some people made a beeline for the buffet, others settled in the couches and began to chat. 

“Great job with the decorations, Amanda!” Lydia wrapped her arm around her shoulder. “Well, come on! Let’s have some fun!” 

“In a moment,” Amanda said. “Have you seen Chad?” She glanced at her present, which was neatly wrapped with a candy cane pattern. 

“I gotcha, girl!” Lydia winked. 

Amanda waved her hands in protest. “No, you don’t need to...this is a library!” 

“HEY, CHAD!” Lydia screamed over the cacophony of their classmates’ laughter. 

The librarian poked her head out of her office. “Shhh!” she hissed before retreating. 

Lydia rolled her eyes. “What? We’re all partying in here anyway. What’s a few more decibels?” 

Chad waved from the candy section of the buffet, quickly loading his plate and rushing to join them. “Hey! What’s up?”

In answer, Amanda held out the present. “I drew your name,” she explained. “What do you think?” 

Chad’s eyes widened. “Oh, cool! Does someone mind holding my plate?” Lydia happily took it, eyeing one of the colorful marshmallows along the edge. He ripped through the wrapping paper, exposing the cover of the book she’d bought for him.

“Vampires and Other Otherworldly Creatures From Around the Globe,” he read. His face split into a grin. “This’ll help my blog so much! Thanks!” 

Amanda nodded. “I’m glad you like it. You enjoy that book!” 

“I will!” Chad said eagerly. “Hey, can I get my plate back-” 

Half a marshmallow protruded from Lydia’s mouth. She swallowed it nervously. “Sorry, couldn’t resist...” she mumbled, sheepishly handing over his plate. 

“Uh, no worries,” Chad said. He walked off to mingle with Milo, Melissa, and Zack.

“You still have to give your present to Bradley,” Amanda reminded her. 

“I’m perfectly aware,” Lydia muttered. 

* * *

 

Chad proudly showed off his new book. It was a hardback, but it also wouldn’t be difficult to carry around in school. “I subscribed to your blog by the way,” Milo said. “Can’t wait to see what you come up with in the future!” 

Melissa rolled her eyes. “You people are enablers.” 

He was hoping the book would provide some evidence so he could prove Mr. Drako’s vampirism. But even if it didn’t, it would still be an interesting read. 

“Hey, you know how we were on that death trap with the huskies a few weeks back?” Chad asked. 

“How can I forget?” Melissa asked. “Those huskies were so adorable. I would’ve adopted them all if I could.” 

Zack glanced at her. “We could’ve died and all you can focus on are the dogs?” 

“Yup,” Melissa replied. 

There was a loud crash followed by a yelp of pain. Milo had dropped his present on his foot. He hopped between the table and couch in pain, clutching his leg. 

“I’m alright!” Milo said with a pained smile. “I didn’t break my big toe this time!” 

“Anyway, I bought you a pack of earbuds,” Chad tossed his gift to Zack. “You might want to consider stocking up.” 

“Well, these’ll be useful,” Zack grinned. “My stuff is in danger of disappearing or getting destroyed anyway. My brothers have a bad habit of breaking into my room, so I better find a good hiding spot for these.” 

“Sweet,” Chad said. “Take good care of that pack for me. Donatello helped me decide on this after all.” 

* * *

 

Zack found Mort by the hot chocolate station. He tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, man,” Zack said. “So I got you this 8-ball. Hope you don’t mind.” 

He passed Mort a package with a black 8-ball inside. “Thanks,” Mort replied. “You know, it’s funny. My horoscope told me that I would receive something that could decide’s one fate.” 

Zack chuckled nervously to himself, deciding that it was probably better if he kept the whole tarot cards thing a secret. 

* * *

 

Mort stirred his hot chocolate with a candy cane, watching the red stripes dissolve into the drink. “This is some good hot chocolate,” he said. 

Amanda smiled at his compliment. “Glad you think so, Mort.”

“AMANDA!” someone screeched. 

“Oh no,” Amanda groaned. “Do you mind if I hide behind you?” 

Mort shrugged. He had no issue with being used as a hiding place. 

Before she could squeeze behind him, Lydia spotted her. “Have either of you seen Bradley? I can’t find him anywhere! He has to be here. I have a bow to give Pepper and he has the nerve to not show his face! I’ll kill him if he doesn’t show in the next ten seconds.” 

“How about you don’t kill him at a party I put together?” Amanda suggested. 

Then Mort had an idea for a distraction. “I got you those mint-scented candles,” he said, handing over his present. “You were right. They do smell really good.” 

Lydia inhaled the scent deeply, a blissful look crossing her face. “Wow, that smells great. Thanks, Mort. Don’t worry about me. My urge to knocking some sense into that boy is fading.” 

“That’s a relief,” Amanda sighed. 

* * *

 

Bradley was a master at avoiding interaction. Lydia was ready to pull her hair out. Seriously, one boy shouldn’t be that hard to find! 

“We’ve only been here for twenty minutes, thirty-four seconds,” Amanda said. “He’ll have to give his Secret Santa present soon.” 

“Mort, can you try using your sixth sense to find him?” Lydia begged. 

Mort shook his head. “Sorry. It doesn’t work that way.” 

Lydia groaned and buried her head into a pillow. 

“May I make a suggestion?” Amanda asked. “If you want to find Bradley, you need to think more like an introvert.” 

“Live in my bedroom writing angsty poems?” Lydia replied. “Or are we talking the I hate everything type?” 

Amanda sighed. “Within context. Bradley probably doesn’t handle large parties that well. Some people just aren’t social butterflies.” 

“So he’d try to find the quietest part of the room?” Lydia asked. 

Amanda flashed her a thumbs-up, beaming. Grabbing a sugar cookie from the buffet, she rushed off to check the library shelves. The librarian sent her a disapproving look as she shelved several borrowed books. 

Lydia quickly ducked into the next aisle before the librarian could comment on the cookie in her mouth. She wasn’t going to browse through some boring history books and leave crumbs in the pages like the librarian seemed to think. 

She peeked in every aisle she passed, but there was no sign of Bradley. She was about ready to give up and check elsewhere when she heard a faint mew coming from the last aisle.

Peeking from between two books, she found Bradley lying on his stomach, keeping Pepper occupied with a piece of string. She batted at the string, rolling over and exposing her belly. 

“Um, hey,” she called, startling Bradley. He sat up, hiding Pepper behind his back. “I’m not gonna report you for having Pepper. I just wanted to give you my present.” 

Bradley still didn’t look convinced. The least he could do was say something. Even if it was scathing. 

Lydia opened her purse and set the red bow and card on a nearby table. As she turned to leave, she saw Bradley take the bow and place it on Pepper. 

“Makes up for your penmanship,” he said. 

Lydia decided to think of it as his way of saying ‘thank you’. “You know, if you aren’t comfortable in that crowd, I can let your recipient know where you are,” she said. 

“I’m not uncomfortable,” Bradley retorted, though Lydia could tell he was lying from his lack of eye contact. “Just tell Melissa where I am, okay?” 

“Will do!” Lydia said. On her way back, she grabbed another sugar cookie. One more couldn’t possibly hurt. 

* * *

 

Bradley finished making one of the pictures he snapped of Pepper in her red bow his new phone background. He moved an icon so it didn’t cover her eye, satisfied with the quality of the photo. 

Pepper mewed, pawing at the gift bag he’d placed Melissa’s present in. “It’s safer over here,” he said. “I am not taking you within range of the splatter zone.” 

Unsatisfied, Pepper rubbed her head against his hand. 

“If this is your way of persuading me, it’s not going to work,” he scolded gently. 

“Lydia said you wanted to talk to me,” a voice said. Melissa waved with a quick flick of her wrist. “So what’s up?” 

“I drew you for the Secret Santa,” Bradley explained, standing up and holding out his gift bag. “Got the idea when you were in the pet store with the Boy Blun-uh, Milo.” 

Melissa pushed the tissue paper aside, gasping. “A stuffed Shiba Inu? I love Shibas! They’re like little foxes!” She pressed the stuffed animal to her face, then seemed to realize what she was doing and quickly stopped. “You never saw that.” 

“Yeah, think I’ll keep the tissue paper. It’s a good toy for Pepper,” Bradley said. 

“We’re doing some karaoke in a few minutes,” Melissa said. “Wanna join us?” 

Bradley shook his head. “I don’t sing.”

“Okay, suit yourself. And thanks for the stuffed Shiba!” Melissa rushed off to join everyone else. 

Bradley set the gift bag on its side so Pepper could explore the opening. “Maybe this Christmas won’t be so terrible after all.” 

* * *

 

“Where’d you get the stuffed animal?” Zack asked, pointing to the Shiba that rested in her lap. 

“From Bradley,” Melissa replied. “He’s in the back playing with his new kitten. Invited him to karaoke with us, but he didn’t want to. Anyway, think I’m gonna name this little guy Chris.” 

“How original,” Zack said. 

“I think it’s a good name!” Milo exclaimed. The karaoke book that had the full list of songs and numbers sat in his lap, opened to the holiday section. “Do you think I should start with Sleigh Ride or It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas?” 

“The second one,” Melissa suggested. “If anyone can set the mood, it’s you.” 

Milo stood up from the couch to grab the microphone. “Well, in that case, I’ll start! Who wants the book?” 

Chad raised his hand, and Zack passed it to him. 

They only had an old, bulky TV hooked up to the karaoke machine, but it would be fun regardless. 

“I give thirty seconds before this thing glitches,” Zack said. 

Milo was barely a few seconds into the song when the lyrics and background music jumped to a completely different tune. “It’s beginning to look a lot like kookaburra sits in the old gum tree,” Milo sang, appearing not to notice. Or if he did, he just went to town on it and easily went from the Kookaburra song to Gitchee Gitchee Goo to Hickory Dickory Dock, finally ending on Chop Away at My Heart.

He bowed to a round of applause. 

Chad gulped as Milo passed the microphone to him. “I guess we won’t be needing the book,” he said.

“Remind me to take a turn,” Melissa said as Milo sat down. “I’d like to test my luck on that machine.” 

Chad’s frenzied singing filled the air as Melissa pulled out her present. 

“Here, my room was getting cluttered so I made some memories,” Melissa said, plopping the scrapbook into Milo’s lap. 

“Ah, memories,” Milo sighed with nostalgia. “Here’s the time we went horsebacking through the dusty dunes! Zack, you had it pretty bad for that Jackie girl.” 

“Please don’t remind me,” Zack groaned, burying his hands over his face in shame. 

Melissa smirked. “What kind of friends would we be if we didn’t remind you?” 

* * *

 

The party finally drew to a close as the end of the school day approached, and most people were only lingering to scoop up any leftover food to take home. Amanda remained behind to supervise the cleanup. Milo had purposely waited until the end to give his present to her. 

“Hi, Amanda,” Milo said. 

“Hi, Milo,” Amanda answered distractedly, combing down her checklist for the cleanup. “Sorry, unless you volunteered for cleanup or are just here to take a cookie or two, I’m going to have to ask that you leave.” 

Milo opened his backpack. “Here’s your gift. Merry Christmas!” 

“Well, I suppose I can squeeze in one and a half minutes to unwrap a gift,” Amanda said, tearing at the corner carefully. “You’re giving me a safe?” 

“Oh, I forgot to take it out,” Milo said. He fumbled with the combination before opening it. 

Amanda examined the headband, running her thumb across the band of sequins. She took off the one she was currently wearing, replacing it with the one Milo gave her. 

“How do I look?” she asked. 

Milo smiled. “It looks good on you!” 

Amanda tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, eyes shifting down to her clipboard. Milo looked up, seeing a plant with white berries above them. 

“Um, Amanda,” Milo pointed up. 

Amanda followed his finger, then dropped her clipboard in shock. “That wasn’t there before!” she yelped, blushing furiously. “I’ve never had a mistletoe kiss in my life!” 

“Neither have I,” Milo admitted, his cheeks heating up. 

“Oh, fine. I’ll do it,” Amanda said. She leaned forward and gave Milo a quick peck on the cheek. “I see that string, and I have a strong suspicion of who did this.” 

Milo hadn’t noticed the string at all, which hung from the ceiling. The other end led behind a large couch. And hiding behind the couch were Melissa, Zack, Chad, Mort, Lydia, and Bradley. 

“Lydia!” Amanda growled, her face bright red. 

Lydia laughed at her. “You should thank me! I was just pushing it along!” 

Amanda’s foot started to tap, and Lydia took that as her cue to flee. 

Bradley held his hands up in defense. “I had nothing to do with this. She grabbed me while I was trying to leave. Can I go now?” 

“So how are you feeling?” Melissa asked, waving her hand in front of Milo’s face to snap him out of his daze.

“I feel terrific!” Milo exclaimed. “Best Secret Santa party ever!” 


End file.
